My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
