Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
