we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
