so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
