He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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