she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
