wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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