If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
