So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
