What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
