hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
