So drunk its hurt
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's blow job season.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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