she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize