Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
