meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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