Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
