If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
