did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
