Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize