You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
