playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
two words...techno handjob
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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