She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
