I'm really into asian looking animals
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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