Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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