took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
