I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
