yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize