somebody snuck up and got me drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
