I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
