you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
