yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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