somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize