everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
