so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
