We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
