after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
