So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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