All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
