when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to make out with him forever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
