dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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