why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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