Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
