The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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