I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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