Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
