Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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