whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
