Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
