Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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