...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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