If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize