just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
COCAINE IS GR8
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
