what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
