How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
