WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
