Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
