K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
