I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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