booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
