Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
