Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
