Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
