Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
