Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
