and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
