cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
