The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
