i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
