I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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