OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
