I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
