dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
