Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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