when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
