Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He did a backflip because drugs
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