I heard we made out
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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