Do you still have your period?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
