Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
