OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
