I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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